2 weeks ago, which may I add, already feels like a lifetime, I flew to New Zealand to compete at the Abu Dhabi Trials. Dustin, a SUB Pro Team member was kind enough to pick me up from the airport, have me tag around for 3 days, prove to be great company, drive me, support me, while also competing himself, and helping his team mate perform at her best.

Unfortunately this comp did not go my way. At all.

I got knocked out 1st round in under 63kg division. It was one of those fights that felt like a dream and I can hardly remember what happened. I put so much pressure on myself, and my adrenaline dump was so big, I literally fell asleep on the mats 20 minutes before my fight. Then I remember tapping 45 seconds in.

Disappointed as I was, I had to shake it off very quickly and get myself ready for the open final – which was the one I was aiming for.  I found it very hard to feel awake and focused, but I felt ok as I stepped on the mats.

I drew Meagan 1st round, which was always going to be a challenge. Meagan has had a fantastic year, and I was looking forward to rolling with her again.

We had a good fight, but in the end I lost by 2 advantages.

Then, it all suddenly hit my how gutted I was. I went on an emotional downward spiral and couldn’t see the big picture for a while. I think being away from my team mates, not having fun with my BJJ, jet lag, pressure and tiredness made me feel completely lost.

I went to work on Monday and one of my patients asked how I went. I heard myself say that I did well. I just didn’t win. And I literally snapped out of it. Losing is fine. It’s a process and a journey. I am so glad I had the experience.

On another note, I absolutely loved Auckland. The city was gorgeous  the food was incredible and the locals were amazingly welcoming. We spend our Saturday night eating great food, meeting new friends and drinking good wine. On Sunday we went for a drive to the beach and checked out endless fruit and veg stores. I was in heaven for the day.

Although my NZ experience was cringeworthy, I cannot thank SUB APPAREL enough for making it happen. This will make me so much damn stronger.

Dustin, was a total rockstar during the trip, Amy and Pat made me have some fun and smile throughout the competition and remember why I do it, and Amy (again!) and Meagan gave me a chance to improve myself yet again during our fights.

So many things to be grateful for…